Many people give away their power by allowing people to control how they feel. People pleasing on the other hand is about trying to control how other people feel.
Some of the reasons why we try to please are:
- Our self-worth is fueled by the way other people perceive us.
- Fear: Conflict and confrontation can be uncomfortable.
- Fear of rejection and abandonment.
- Learned Behavior: The desire to avoid conflict can stem from childhood. If you were raised by parents that were constantly bickering , you may learned that conflict is bad and keeping people happy is the best way to prevent arguments.
- Its a way to feel needed and important
The problem with people pleasing is that you usually don't get your needs met and which can lead to resentment. People pleasing has the potential to damage relationships. When we are focused on others we may lose sight of our values. People pleasing will hold you back from reaching your full potential.
HOW TO AVOID PEOPLE PLEASING:
If saying YES has become a habit:
-Try creating a mantra you can repeat to yourself. Ex. "Saying Yes to Others means saying no to my family."
-If you want to be successful at reaching your goals, you need to define your vision, not just what other people want you to do.
-Define your Values. When you're faced with a decision in your life, it's important to know exactly what your values are so you can make the choice that will best serve you.
If you automatically say yes, learn how to evaluate your decision before giving an answer. Below are some contemplation questions to help you evaluate your decision before responding:
(Take a Deep Breath)
1. Is this something I want to do?
2. What will I have to give up by doing this?
3. What will I gain by doing this?
4. How will I feel if I do it?
Practice Being Assertive!
Speak up if someone takes advantage of you and ask for what you need. Remain respectful and polite. Express your feelings and stick to the facts. Use "I" statements. Avoid "You" statements which will trigger defensiveness. Practice, Practice and Practice some more!
Accepting you can't please everyone will make you stronger. When you stop worrying about people pleasing everyone and, instead are willing to be assertive to live according to your own values, you'll experience many benefits.
- You'll have more time and energy to devote to your goals
-Your self-confidence will soar
-You'll feel less stressed
-You'll establish healthier relationships
-You'll have increased willpower
Content borrowed from "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" by Amy Morin